Thursday, August 7, 2008

While You Were Out

This is an open letter to Mike Francesa as he's on walkabout in horse country:

Dear Mike,

While you were out, there have been some important things happening in the World of Sports. For one, the Tampa Bay Rays have defied your wishes and increased their AL East lead in the loss column. Your absence has nicely coincided with the Ides of August, precluding you from facing the music on air. And I don't count your 15-minute trip to Albany talking football with Tom Coughlin and avoiding the caller lines. While you were out, Joba doesn't rule any more as they have put him on the rack for now. The Yankees still haven't gotten your man-crush Bronson Arroyo yet. But maybe if you hole up long enough up in Albany and pout, the Yanks will make a move for the musical righty. (btw, I'm not really sure why you want Arroyo because he was involved in one of the lowest moments in Yankee history - "the Swipe".) Also while you were out, the most important QB to put on a New York uniform since Broadway Joe is arriving. Just like Downey wasn't in the room when Kendrick ordered the Code Red, you won't be here for the Jets biggest moment since they blew that 2nd half lead against the Broncos. That's a pretty important piece of information don't you think? And Mike, you might not believe it, but Favre is actually better than Ken O'Brien. While you were out, Big Brown won his first race since the Preakness. Although you probably caught that on simulcast at Saratoga. While you were out, they sort of caught that guy who sent out the Anthrax letters.

So look, Mike. If you want to mail in your final days on the Fan, then that's your prerogative. But if I were you, I would put down the Daily Racing Form, hop on the Acela and stand at post.

Yours Sincerely,

Gman26

10 comments:

David said...

Mets campday game this afternoon. A built in excuse to stay put.

Let's see if Dog even mentions something along the lines of "Mike would love to be here today, but..." That will make me laugh out loud, because we know better.

First Time, Long Time said...

Gman...well done. One more: While you were out, Neil Best has continued to report on the demise of the show that you have co-hosted for nearly 20 years.

Jason said...

i dont get the ides of august reference.

gman26 said...

Jason

In answer to your question, when I wrote 'ides of August', I was using it in the sense of 'an important time'. But since you bring it up, I've looked a little further into the matter. In Roman times, the Ides of March was a festive day dedicated to the god of Mars. So I guess it fits because in this case, Favre is the god of Mars. In modern times, the term Ides of March is best known as the date that Julius Caesar was assassinated. The term has come to be used as a metaphor for impending doom. Do I really need to explain how this is fitting given the circumstances?

Also, since you've only metioned the ides of August, does that mean you get everything else?

Jason said...

haha yeah, i got everything else. i know what 'ides' is, i just couldnt get the context that you used it in. but thanks for clarifying.

and the impending doom part, its impending because caesar was warned by soothsayers of 'the ides of march.' which of course, he had no idea what was coming to him.

good stuff tho.

gman26 said...

Well, MMD clearly have an idea of what is coming to them. And I guess Neil Best is their soothsayer.

Anonymous said...

starting with the mets? shady.

probably just to raise and dismiss.

gman26 said...

Anon

You are dead on. How many lock Hall of Famers come to New York later in their career? Messier, Mays, Clemens(well, maybe not a lock anymore), a few others. And he starts with 'I'll get to Favre at 4.' Um, he's debating whether or not he's better than Pennington. He is totally missing the star factor.

Brian said...

I learn something new every day when I listen to Christopher Russo. Today I learned that the word "bullpen" can be used as a noun AND a verb. The line went something like this:

"When you haven't bullpenned well, i.e. pitched well out of the bullpen, you can't mix and match your relievers."

At least he was nice enough to explain what "bullpenning" means to those of us who aren't smart enough to understand his extensive vocabulary.

hans gruber said...

You can also use "Favre" as a verb.

Dog: "I'm Favred out!"