Friday, August 1, 2008

AUG 1: IT'S OFFICIAL: YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE RAYS

Boy oh boy, it has been very difficult. There have been so many times when I have been talking sports with people, talking about the American League pennant race and I would start to say something like... "The Yankees and Red Sox are trying to catch.." And then I would stop myself, halting the letters from escaping my mouth because I knew that it was not yet August 1st. I even had trouble with my fantasy team because I had two players who played for the unspeakable team and every time I looked at my roster I would have to pretend they were not there. It is not August yet I would remind myself, I cannot speak of these people, this team.

I woke up this morning like a kid on Christmas, or Hanukah, or perhaps for a select few, Arbor Day. I watched as the day went from 11:59 to 12:00 AM announcing the arrival of August 1st. And now it is here and I am ready to spend the entire day calling into to Mike and the Mad Dog, getting through once, and then calling again, and then calling again, every time changing my voice, using British accents, or maybe one of those disguise voices that 007 uses. I would dedicate the day to calling Mike and Chris and finally letting it all out. I was psyched and then I looked at the WFAN schedule.

Mike and Chris are off. Convient? Conspiracy? No, it's another word beginning in C. COWARDS. Yes, i am calling Mike Francesca a coward. You sat on your throne, and utttered the same five words over and over again when asked about the Tampa Bay Rays.

TALK TO ME IN AUGUST.

And now it's August and Mike is nowhere to be found. Well, that's probably not true. We all know he is riding a horse in the fields of Saratoga with the wind whistling through his air while listening to All Out of Love by Air Supply on his ipod. I know that.. but this is what i want from this coward. I want a live show today from Saratoga. I don't care if Mike does the whole show while riding a horse or eating a horse or singing I Got A Horse Right Here from Guys and Dolls. I want Mike Francesca taking phone calls and only phone calls. I want the show to start with a phone call that asks Mike what day it is today and I want Mike to say August first and then I want the caller to go on a 17 minute monologue where he recaps the RAYS season along with playing calls by their announcers. I want phone calls where people just say TAMPA BAY RAYS and hang up. At the end of the show, I want Mike to begin to weep. I want him to stand up like that scene in NETWORK. I want there to be huge tears and I want him to yell...

I WAS WRONG!

17 comments:

David said...

Boy, you know your summer is slow when you wake up this morning knowing it's August 1st and you can't wait to check the Mike and the Mad Blog to see if any one of our esteemed hosts have yet acknowledged the fact that TODAY is THE DAY....and lo and behold, Lt Sam has come through for us all. And hours before our official convening time...bless you.

My only fear was that the Rays would pick up an asset yesterday and give Mikey an excuse for when/if he ever does address their legitimacy (I can hear it now: "Dog, the Rays are going to go for it with Bay now. They are a different team with him. Blah Blah Blah.").

But thankfully, they are the same old team that they were weeks ago when they also were in 1st place and we couldn't take them seriously.

We await our next instructions, Mikey.

Anonymous said...

Mike better call in sometime between 1p and 6p and talk about the Rays with Benigno and Roberts.

David said...

Carlin will go an hour without talking about his weight before THAT happens!

Anonymous said...

OT: but every once in a while i'll call the fan and i get a busy signal. i've never once gotten a ring...i don't try again.

does val from brooklyn, bruce from bayside, russ from milford, doris from rego park (RIP), or howie from brooklyn have some special phone number or do they just hit redial 1000 times?

Sammy said...

I will try to get on the Phone ( and u 2) and ask Roberts to put mike on and talk about the Rays! Come On Mike "IT'S AUGEST 1"

Anonymous said...

This doesn't have to do with the Rays, so sorry. But I am a tad unsure of how to create an account. I have a question though. What is Mike's beef with Michael Strahan? He always makes it a point that he "doesn't like him" or even better, "we don't get along, and that's fine, he had a great yeah." I have been wondering this for a long time.

gman26 said...

In answer to how could Mike not be here to face the music about the Rays, I look to Junior Soprano. He referred to Albert Barrese in Episode #25 as a 'slippery fuck'. That is Mike Francesa. He has always been able to wiggle his way off the hook when it comes to admitting he was wrong. When he said, 'Talk to me in August' many times, you don't think he knew his schedule? What his words meant were 'Talk to me when I get back from Saratoga around the middle of August, which should buy me more time for the Rays to tank.' For those of you that call in...be careful in your tone with Mike. He will morph from a slippery fuck into a spiteful prick. You can take that to the bank.

Mike Francesa said...

Fantasy Baseball?

*HANDWAVE*

41 said...

Evan Roberts is such an idiot - please get him off the air. How can he be giving the Angels grief today. "Talk to me in October"? They are 11 - 4 against the Sox and Yanks. Don't always try to be the tough critic.

harvey dent said...

To (try to) answer anonymous's post about a special number, there has got to be one. Some posters on the other site have claimed to work for WFAN (yeah, right) and said there is no special number; that's crap. How else could the callers you mentioned, plus Jerome from Manhattan, Lisa from Whitestone, Mike from Montclair, and Joe's idiot gambling buddies, get through day after day while your calls aren't even answered? I've even heard Mike from Monclair say "Mike, when I heard you say that (something Mike said just 5 minutes ago), I had to pick up the phone and call you." He's basically saying he can get through whenever he wants.

joba said...

Harvey -- I think you're right. I know a couple of people who have almost gotten through, but one gave up after waiting over an hour and another who was just disconnected. Meanwhile, the same callers over and over and over again. Another is that guy Ralph who speaks like a college professor, as well as that poor sap who sends Dog movies but Dog never watches them. You hear "First time, long time" less and less lately on M&MD, and almost never anymore on Joe & Evan's show.

By the way, awesome rant, Lt. Sam. Hilarious! I don't think Mike can handle the truth. (Sorry, I had to use the obvious line; I don't know AFGM that well.)

Brian said...

watch out, he might "rip the eyes out of your head, and piss in your dead skull - YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG FAT GUY FROM LONG ISLAND! " --- AFGM final scene

Anonymous said...

yeaa...there is a special number. i know that for a fact because Evan admitted it a few months ago.

One day, Evan was on the air and he was being a lil bitch. Boomer Esiason called his show saying as Norman from Islip (his real name and town). Boomer was giving him a hard time saying Evan was being a lil bitch.

Then the next day they all had a big laugh about it but Evan said that he knew it was Boomer 'cause it was on the 'special' line.

Anonymous said...

anyone know when Mike comes back from vacation?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, Boomer called in as "pete in the bronx"

http://www.wfan.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=1606365

from 3/10
http://www.wfan.com/pages/870783.php

Anonymous said...

Too bad Dog isn't on tomorrow, because Heilman would make the stink list

Anonymous said...

Joe B just said "Russo flying solo"