Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mike's Kryptonite

When this blog was first created, one thing I never thought I would do was write a post that included the names Mike Francesa and Superman in the same paragraph. But here goes. We all know about Superman and more importantly, we know that the caped superhero was vulnerable to kryptonite. Exposure to the mineral debris weakened and had the potential to kill him. So what does this have to do with the host of the number 1 ranked sports talk radio show in the country? Not much really. But it got me thinking that every person has something that can nullify their powers and debilatate them. For Superman, it was the radioactive material from Krypton. So what exactly then is Mike Francesa's kryptonite? Anyone that has followed Francesa and the New York baseball scene this week has noticed signs of cracks in the big man's foundation. But what exactly is the perfect storm of events that would bring Francesa to his knees - what is his krpytonite? After careful consideration, we have determined the following things all occuring would be his undoing:

- David Wright delivers a game-winning walk off hit 3 days in a row
- YES does a video montage of Joba's 12ks to the song "You're Simply the Best"
- Reading Bronson Arroyo's line from last night: 1.0 IP, 81.00 ERA, 10.00 WHIP
- Andy Pettitte changes his name to Andrew
- Michael Kay's show beats Mike'd Up in the ratings
- Daniel Murphy goes 6 games without misplaying a ball
- The expensive seats at Yankee Stadium remain unoccupied
- The Yanks reacquire Farnsworth and Hawkins to solidify the bullpen
- Jon Heyman and Omar Minaya stop taking Mike's calls
- Sweeny Murti and Eddie Coleman attack Mike instead of vice versa
- Saratoga Racetrack issues a press release saying that due to the economy they are shutting down
- Chris Russo reveals his new friendship with Bill Parcells
- Tom Coughlin informs Mike that no one uses the term "max protect" anymore
- Diet Soda vending machine at WFAN breaks down

We're quite certain that these events all transpiring around the same time would have the same effect on Francesa that kryptonite has on Superman. But what did we miss?


Anonymous said...

Carl Pavano does what Mikes Yanks could'nt and gets a win vs. the Red Sox!!!!!


AwesomeSean said...

This is a badass post...Love it. Have we thought of:

- Jeter caught with Jason Grimsley receiving a shipment of HGH
- OPS replacing BA as baseball metric
- Billy Beane and the A's win the WS
- Brandon Inge GIDP 4x and makes three errors at 3rd and one behind the plate in single game
- Jim Calhoun is suspended some day UConn loses to Iona by 25

Ryan T. said...

Manny on steroids... Mike is off the hook as far as having to discuss the Yankees mess yet again.

Loki said...

Manny took PEDs....lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol

AwesomeSean said...

Holy Sh*t! This is another one of Mike's irrational love affairs. He is going to be so happy to be able to break up with Manny now, justifiably and will definitely be happy to avoid the NYY while he ritualistically murders ManRam. He should take the time to congratulate the Mets on NOT signing this guy. This will be another good day.

First Time, Long Time said...

sean..i actually think mike's take will simply be "nothing surprises me anymore" blah blah blah and just basically that he's not shocked..

gman26 said...

One thing Mike won't talk about is the Fantasy implications of Manny out for 50 games. Although if he's really indignant about the 50 games, that means he's secretly playing and he has Manny on his team.

AwesomeSean said...

Still will he give the Wilpons credit for not signing Manny? He should. Plus, the Mets should trumpet this as being a big part of their offseason. Now, all they need is for the same fate to befall Dunn and Burrell and they'll look really smart.

Whatdoyouhave? said...

Manny on PEDs take the lead over Yanks latest dismal effort?

Another one is McClouth from the Pirates either a) getting busted for roids, b) slumping and sucking for rest of his career, c) getting traded to Mets or Red Sox

Whatdoyouhave? said...

Classic Mike use of "the _____" in the opening - never mentions Oliver Perez by name but says "They put the pitcher on the DL which is the only thing that makes sense..."

gabagool said...

I just wish the slob would do a LITTLE research of PED's before commenting. Please!!!!!!! Just a bit.
"i can't understand why he would use steroids when he could use hgh"

Uhh, well Mike you pathetic excuse for a human being, hgh is NOT EVEN ON THE SAME PLANET as steroids when it comes to performance enhancing. Its NOT a "boutique steroid" as he's said.

He is on this thing that HGH is somehow responsible for all the homers or the throwing 99 mph. Its not. But I guess a little research is just way too much effort.

Scenario Lemieux said...

He said "testes." Priceless.

Loki said...

Hahaha I heard that too, started cracking up in the car lol.

First Time, Long Time said...

last night was more krpyonite for Mike: Mariano getting booed off the mound at Yankee Stadium...

Anonymous said...

Add to that the fact that the Mets CORE finally put together a good performance against the defending world champion Phillies who consider the Mets to be chokers.

It's a long season and the Yankees get their overpaid hero back tonight which should put them on a winning streak before his "cancer like" ways spread thru the clubhouse.

Should be a good open for Mike to cry into his microphone.