Where Will Mike Start?

While some may feel that today is a tricky day for Francesa on the Fan, I disagree. Some might contend that with the Mets beating the Phils last night, that takes some heat off Mikey's fastball as he can't go too crazy about the Phillies lineup of gamers off a loss. And because his boyfriend Johan pitched a spotty game, he can't go on and on about Mr. Santana. But, that gives Mike the perfect opening to lead with the Yanks. And even though Mike's beloved pinstriped heroes lost last night, some (myself included) would argue that Mike took some joy in this defeat. First off, his other boyfriend Beckett came up huge in a big spot. Next, Mr. Pie face himself, AJ Burnett, came up small. On days like today, Mike will remind viewers that he was never a fan of the AJ signing. Now if Burnett had pitched a big game, he would just point out that "Burnett always pitches well against Boston.." But the bigger issue here is that over a month ago, Mike put the Yankees season on the brink of collapse. He argued that Arod coming back would not save this team - that they were old, Mariano needed a new pitch, something was missing, the seats need to be filled, the economy was bad, blah, blah, blah. But a funny thing then happened. The Yankees started to dominate and Mike avoided giving them praise. Instead, he turned guns blazing towards the Mets and just sort of avoided Yankee talk. When he was forced to commend the team that plays in Coors Field East, Mike pointed to an easy schedule. But today with the Mets beating the Phils and the Yanks losing yet again to Boston, this gives him the perfect opening to go off on the Bombers. "This is why Boston is better!! You can take your pies in the face, I'll take Beckett!! This team is missing something!! This is why Boston is better!!! Joba needs to be in the bullpen!! The Yankees have no heart when it comes to Boston!! Melky's a fourth outfielder!! Their lineup is old!! Bring it on Mike....

Remotes Remotes Remotes

Mike just announced a lot of upcoming remotes on the way in the month of June. He announced this as if he was excitedly reading the winning lottery numbers on a million dollar ticket. He was flat out giddy..."Folks, we're gonna have lots of remotes in June." Here's something for Mike and WFAN to ponder: YOUR REMOTES SUCK. And here are a few reasons why:

1. If it's a Met or Yankee remote at either of their ballpark, you never get the guests to sit beside you. Instead they talk to you from the clubhouse, making your existence pointless.

2. You are typically given the most dreary looking backdrops imaginable. Anyone remember Mike's remote at the start of last football season from Jets camp the first day Favre reported? Mikey was broadcasting from the woods.

3. You rarely take calls. I'm sorry but there's only so many guest interviews where you are answering your own questions that I can take.

4. You typically encounter some sort of technical difficulties or simply show up late for your own show. Exhibit A: The Bar A Audition Disaster that shall never be spoken of again.

So with all these things going against you, why in the world are you so happy to announce all of these remotes? Do you think people make sure to plan their listening experience around the fact that you are going to be on location somewhere? The only reason it's at all entertaining to tune in to these shows is because something will go wrong with your microphone and you will flip out on the tech guys on air. I just can't go too crazy about WFAN Remotes.

FRANCESA GLOSSARY

We all know the terminology that Mike Francesa uses on a regular basis, but sometimes we need to stop and make note of it. We think this is especially important since he has been solo for 9 months now. Without a partner, there is a good chance his vocabulary has changed, with new words entering the mix and others fading into obscurity. Here are entries into the Francesalingua:

Bizarre – Francesa has been using this a lot recently, especially after the Mets win a game. Using 'bizarre' is his way of diminishing the Mets, but it also is an admission that he is at a loss for words at how they can defy him.

I understand – I don’t remember this as much when Dog was around. He must use this because he has no partner to argue with him. So he has to create a phantom debater, eg. "I understand the economy is bad." The usage is very similar to ‘this whole idea’ or 'the whole notion'(See the glossary on the right for 'whole notion' definition).

No question - When Mike asks a question of an interview subject, then answers it himself, then waits for subject to agree and finishes with "no question" cementing the fact that there indeed was no question ever asked ("absolutely" is another form of "no question")

Canonize - This term is applied to the Mets solely when they are high on a young prospect - as in "the Mets canonized Murphy". However, this term will never be applied to the Yanks. You will never hear "the Yanks canonized Hughes and Kennedy."

Folks - Folks is used to address the callers and listeners of Mike'd Up. If you listen closely the way mike says it, it sort of has a condescending tone to it.

Gamer - These are guys Mike would go to war with any day and divorce Roe for in a heartbeat...Youk, Jeter, the entire Phillies offense, etc. Sorry. No Mets allowed.

We welcome more entries into the updated Francesa lexicon.

(Editors note: This is a joint joint between FTLT and gman26)

Francesa Cleansing

These past few days I have been away and unable to listen to "Mike'd Up, Francesa on the Fan, show that used to be compelling with Chris Russo" or whatever you'd like to refer to it as. And I must say, removing myself from Mikey for this short period of time is really a breath of fresh air. I don't find myself constantly having to get into a car by 1:04 or pause my TIVO when I need to take a piss. In short, my life doesn't quite seem to revolve around tuning in for the big man's take on the day's events. I'm not going to lie - there have been times the past two days where I sat around thinking "I wonder what Mike is saying right now." But with the passage of time, those moments are few and far between. I would imagine this is much like doing some crazy colon cleansing procedure. It rids your body of unnecessary toxins. And so now that my body has been rid, I am ready to poison it once again. So fill me in on what has gone down the past few days on America's #1 rated sports talk show on the planet...

FRANCESA THE STORYTELLER

While we hammer away at Mike for his consistent arrogance and one-note drudgery, we sometimes miss the forest for the trees. If you really get down to it, Mike is an underrated wordsmith. On a daily basis, Francesa adroitly uses a potent mix of imagery, idioms and descriptive language. I've typed up some of his words from the first two segments:

'stand tall', 'crawling', 'swept aside', 'hammered', 'on the shelf','big thumpers', 'thunderbats', 'bloom is off the rose', 'full to the brim', 'red carpet invitation in solid gold', 'take him for a spin', 'double him to death', 'three ring circus'

I'm not saying he's Oscar Wilde or anything, but the fact of the matter is that he's very good at painting a picture of the day in sports. Sometimes that picture is a little crooked and potentially fraudulent. But it is interesting to look at nonetheless.

Please add any other turns of phrase uttered by the Pope of Letters today.

New Starts

We here at Mike and the Mad Blog are happy to announce a relationship with the newly formed themikefrancesa.com. Don't confuse them with mikefrancesa.com. These guys split from the latter site and created their own message boards. They reached out to us today asking if we'd like to cross promote each other. And they have sent a good deal of traffic our way today. So we would like to return the favor. They differ from us in that they are a message board site. These guys seem like good dudes looking for a fresh start. Who doesn't like new beginnings? If Mike and Chris can start over, why can't we? Check them out at themikefrancesa.com.

MIKE AND CHRIS REUNITE FOR AI POST

Chris: Anddddd Gooood Afternooon Everybody on this beautiful May day. ROW in Albany piggybacking. And how are you today Mike?

Mike: Fine.

Chris: Well Mike lots to talk about today. The Mets continue to be an enigma. You want to get excited about the

Yanks? Okay, but can they play a few good teams first? Where do you want to start Mike?

Mike: Wherever.

Chris: This idea that the Orlando Magic could win this series.

Mike: Dog, we got to start with the finale of American Idol.

Chris: Excellent point Mike!

Mike: Listen, they put on a great show last night, with Rod Stewart and Queen and Lionel and...

Chris: Ahh could ya please with the cursing Fergie? Come on.

Mike: Ryan, as always, does a great job hosting.

Chris: Excellent job Mike, excellent job.

Mike: Folks, if you think that Kris Allen is our American Idol then you're kidding yourself. Now I understand America was in a tricky spot with the rumors of Adam being gay and no question that hurt him a little. I understand the economy is bad. I understand Kris had more votes last week. But folks, Adam is a gamer.

Chris: TERRIBLE JOB by America Mike. TERRIBLE JOB! I mean this whole idea that Krissy is somehow better than Adam is absurd.

Mike: Listen folks, before we canonize Kris Allen, remember these guys who have fundamental flaws like Reuben Studdard and David Cook. Adam should have won this thing. And then we have to listen to the new golden boy sing that awful song that Kara wrote.

Chris: Pipe down Kara. Timmy could write a better song than that. And another thing Mike, do I need these girls running around naked on stage? I mean could ya please? I got Jeannie and the kids watching and I got these girls with nothing on.

Mike: Kris Allen cannot beat Adam Lambert. I'm sorry folks but that just can't happen. But listen FOX did a nice job with the show. Roe and I got a kick out of it. And listen they did a nice job with the broadcast so I'm not going to kill them, but how in the world do we NOT hear from the judges after the results! I mean COME ON FOX!!!! How do I not hear from Simon Cowell what he thought! Where's the postgame show?

Chris: Excellent point Mike. Excellent point.

Mike: I mean c'mon FOX! And listen I know Simon has been on a nice run, but how does he NOT come out to argue that CALL!!! Folks, they didn't just take a point off the board here, they robbed Lambert. How does Simon not protect his guy!!!! And there are reports of individuals making up to 100 text votes by themselves? If Fox doesn't clean up this competition, then it's going to be as relevant as the NHL. I already have to put up with Matt Vasgersian and Jeannie Zelasko. Now I have to put up with a voting system that is corrupt?